When to Seek Counseling

Seeing a Marriage Counselor is not admitting defeat...

it's admitting there is Hope.....

Marriage Counseling is not a last resort- wise couples will seek counseling as soon as they realize that their marriage is facing a problem which neither of them have the experience to resolve.

Marriage Counsel can be difficult

Even though both spouses know that marriage counseling is an important step, actually feeling comfortable with the counseling is a whole different story. It's often more difficult for men to seek outside help for their relationships. They hate not being able to figure something out on their own. Men, by nature, are trained to be independent and self-sufficient; seeking counseling is not a sign of weakness. For men who are uncomfortable with the thought of a one-on-one session, many therapists say group therapy is a good starting point.

Counseling is worth the effort

Remember, do whatever it takes to make it as easy as possible to seek counseling. Your efforts will be well rewarded and you will realize that your journey through counseling not only helped resolve your initial concern, you marriage relationship has broadened and grown to newer heights. Because of a couple's abiding love for each other, they are willing to do whatever it takes to shore up the area of their marriage that was affected by erosion.

A recommended read on Communication Miracles; tools to create More Love and Less Conflict

Should you avoid Conflict in Marriage?

The short answer in 'No-no'....familair? People dislike conflict and that's a fact. But why?

It just seems easier either to ignore the problems or just accept them, than trying to work out your differences.

The number one problem in marriages seems to be avoidance of conflict. Whether it is not wanting to discuss who takes out the trash or who takes Susie and Johnny to their soccer games, conflict is not something we look forward to. Unfortunately, if the things that are bothering you never come out in the open, then they tend to build up inside you and sometimes it's too late to do anything about them.

If you have already fallen into the habit of 'acceptance', then your significant other expects that that is the way you are going to react so they continue doing what they have always done. Marriage is about compromise. This is so important if you want to have a happy, successful marriage. Even though at times, you want your way, you have to be able to give in once in a while. It's only fair if you both get your way some of the time, and not one person always getting everything how they want it.

When a conflict arises between you and your partner, try to refrain from using the silent treatment. If you really are heated, it may be best to take a short walk and cool off, and then resume the discussion when you are a bit calmer. Give the other person time to cool off, as well. Try to refrain from bringing up the past. There's nothing worse than to hear over and over again about the past mistakes you've made. Keep the argument focused on the current issue. That's what caused the problem in the first place so it needs to be resolved.

Basically, it comes down to not holding everything in to the point of no return. While very few people enjoy conflict, it becomes necessary at times, and can help save your marriage if done in a thoughtful manner.

Get additonal FREE Marriage help here: www.TheHappy-Marriage.com

What Time is it for Your Marriage?

Is Your Spouse Lying to you?

Why do people lie? Do you suspect your spouse may be lying to you and if so, how would you know? Below are some reasons why people may speak an untruth;

• To avoid conflict.
  To supposedly protect someone's feelings.
  To avoid the consequences of their behavior.
  To postpone having to make changes in lifestyle.
  To hide something they did or did not do.
  Because they are afraid of rejection or losing their spouse.
  To be in control of a situation.
  To avoid being embarrassed.
  To make themselves appear more successful, good, or talented than they really are

The bottom line: If you think your spouse is lying, ask questions and ask for clarification if necessary. Trust your own intuition or that funny feeling you may feel inside.

Is Your Spouse Cheating on you? Click to find out....

Possible Signs of Lying:

• Touching chin, or rubbing their brows.
  Crossed arms or legs.
  Playing with hair.
  A line of perspiration on the brow if it isn't a warm day.
  Saying "no" several times.
  Continual denying of accusations.
  Being extremely defensive.
  Providing more information and specifics than is necessary or was asked for. Smugness.
  May place a barrier such as a desk or chair in front of self.
  Uncommon calmness.
  Unwillingness to touch spouse during conversation.
  Being hesitant.
  Slouching posture.
  Rigidity or fidgeting.

Of course, some of these gestures may be nervousness or habit- use your gut instinct (it's usually right). So what can you do if your spouse is lying? Some experts teach that when you believe you are being lied to, you shouldn't confront your spouse with your suspicions right away. They recommend waiting until you have discovered more information and facts. Other experts believe that the sooner the cards are all out on the table, and the sooner honesty is lived out once again in a marriage, the better. Only you know what is best for your marriage relationship. Need more advice? Please click for more information!

Marriage Advice

Somebody asked today; "I need some marriage advice. My wife doesn't think we have a good relationship." I ask,
"What do you think?"
"Oh... I think we are doing fine- she's the one making a big deal."

Isn't marriage a 'big deal'? What are the 'secrets' to a happy marriage or the special recipes? Perhaps there might be some happy marriage tips? Upon further inquiry, discovered that this gentleman wasn't really interested in solving their relationship issues; he wanted a band-aid for fast relief. So how do you save a marriage when one spouse doesn't seem to care?

http://www.thehappy-marriage.com/

You may find some clues here...

Click here for Blissful Tips

Or if you're looking for a faith-based approach...

Look Here for tips to save your Christian Marriage

Join in the Conversation!

A Christian Marriage

What is a 'Christian Marriage' and what does it mean?

A good friend and I were discussing this very concept the other day and had a delightful conversation. There are various religions, each with their own definition of a 'marriage' and we thought it insightful that the majority preached the same theme;

"As you and your spouse both grow closer to God, you grow closer together."

Picture a triangle with God at the top and you and your spouse on either side. As you both climb towards the top towards God, you're also growing closer together.......

Have you thought about this....

Read a book titled 'The Difference Maker' by John C. Maxwell, you have probably heard of him as his best-selling books have sold millions (and for good reason)! As I was driving down the freeway, a passage from that book came to mind; "Our feelings come from our thoughts- therefore, we can control our feelings by changing the way we think."

Have you been guilty of saying to your spouse, "You make me so mad!"? I have! According to the statement above, that isn't controlling my feelings.... Emotion is a fickle character. I think there's been an epiphany in my household today; I believe that I have better understanding of what Maxwell was trying to communicate.

Click Here for an informative, compelling ebook on how to 'Save Your Marriage'.... by Dr. Lee Baucom. A must-read in my opinion!

Have you really tried everything else?

In this book Dr. Baucom explains the '4 Myths' about saving a marriage:

1. You need to learn more communication skills

2. There is only "one path" from the brink of divorce to maritial bliss

3. You can't start saving your marriage if your spouse isn't interested

4. Time heals all

Why are these myths and are you really capable of transforming your relationship?

What do you think? We'd love to hear from you!

"You are so lucky!"

Lucky? In reference to our marriage relationship- what does that have to do with 'luck'? This statement to me from a young women who was celebrating her 10th anniversary with her husband (a rocky, unstable relationhsip) caught me by surprise. Her comment came after I expressed my happiness with my spouse...she, obviously unhappy. Why?

Upon further conversation, she revelealed details of mutual infidelity, constant fighting, bitterness, lack of respect and much more. It was if I had opened a floodgate of pent-up, negative emotions within her regarding her spouse and her children. I felt compassion upon her and asked if either of them had considered counseling or taken steps to improve their relationship. Her response, "Neither one of us wants to be the first to back down."

Back down from what, exactly? Being miserable? Feeling trapped in a toxic marriage? What could be worse than what they were currently going through?

Some great books to read!

Interested in learning more? Have discovered some excellent resources to improve your marriage;

Written by Amy Waterman: powerful and proven safe marriage advice

Click here for more details!

Written by Lee H Baucom Ph.D: Save my Marriage...please!

Click for information

L-O-V-E LANGUAGE

Are you looking for help, some magic 'nugget' of information that may propel your marriage into the next phase or bring back some of that lost spark? Maybe you just want to understand your spouse better (novel idea, that).

Do you know your spouse's love language? You may be asking yourself, "Love language? Never heard of it." What does it mean? If you're like most married couples (including us) you've probably never heard of this phrase. Curious?

Think about this; what does your spouse do that you really appreciate? Perhaps he does the dishes (without being asked) or holds your hand in public. Maybe, just maybe, he likes to bring home spontaneous gifts (for you, of course!). So what is a 'Love Language' and how does that apply to your marriage? Let me share with you a personal story that may help explain...

Once upon a time there was a man and woman who dated for a brief time and then married. They moved to a large city and began building their life together. The man (we'll call him Ryan) worked hard to provide for his new wife. The wife (we'll call her Heidi) also worked, and together they began saving and dreaming for their new home. All was martial bliss...for the first few weeks anyway.
Heidi quickly learned that Ryan developed an annoying habit of teasing and 'picking' on her- always touching and pulling pranks. Ryan soon discovered that his wife, had a a few annoying habits of her own. Heidi did not hold his hand and showed very little signs of affection- was that normal? She also didn't seem to appreciate the flowers he would bring home for her on occasion. Didn't every woman love flowers? Of course, she always thanked him, but after a few days the flowers would disappear into the garbage and his feelings would be tender.
Not that they didn't love each other and have a great time, but...all was not well in paradise.

A little background; Heidi came from a home where the parents were, well -dysfunctional. The father never spoke to the wife or the children except to reprimand and punish. There wasn't abuse; there just wasn't really..... anything. He was a busy father providing for his large family. She was reared thinking that is how a marriage is; the mother cried and stayed at home and the father yelled and provided for the family.

Ryan came from a polar opposite background. He had close relationships with both his father and mother and knew his parents adored each other. Of course, there were the usual problems that accompany a family but they always talked and worked it out.

Back to paradise....

Heidi eventually became annoyed with her husband and vice versa and both wondered why marriage had to be so hard. Heidi, thinking that lack of communication and harboring ill feelings was normal, didn't address these feelings with her husband- ever. Ryan, wanting to keep the peace in their relationship, also never addressed his feelings of frustration.
Fast forward six years....

A friend (we'll call him Brent) came over one day and introduced a book to them called
The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. Not knowing their marriage was unstable, he just thought it was a great book to read with your spouse. So they did- and it forever changed their relationship- for the better.

http://www.fivelovelanguages.com/learn.html

Heidi learned that Ryan's love language was Physical Touch and Gifts and Ryan learned Heidi's love language was Quality Time and Acts of Service. Wow! So the things that Ryan did that would drive Heidi crazy were the very ways he felt loved! Talk about mind blower!

Okay- so now that has been discovered- what are your spouses 'Love Languages'? Curious? Wouldn't you like to know?

There are 5 'Love Languages'......